Rating:

0.0 (0 votes)

Here are three tips for developing trust with your child from our expert family therapist, Gary Unruh.

Has close, caring relationships; easily admits mistakes. That's the kind of report every parent would love from a teacher. If you instill trust, adults will be saying that about your child.
Trust is an essential human need for our entire lives. Developing trust in a child is in a parent's job description: Instill trust and your child will become a trustworthy, successful adult.

During infancy trust is about being adequately nurtured with food and feeling emotionally comfortable when upset. Then throughout the adolescent years, it's about physical and emotional safety and feeling understood and accepted, no matter what problems pop up.
And here's the result of instilled trust: Children feel comfortable in their own skin, they learn to rely on themselves, and they'll know when to trust others. Translated into a kid's lingo: Since Mom and Dad trust and believe in me, I feel good enough about myself and know I can handle just about anything-including finding great people to love.

Sound complicated? It can be, but the following three tips will make it a lot easier and you'll get plenty of rewards along the way.

1. Support your child's individuality. Trusting yourself comes from knowing and being comfortable with the way you're built. Display eight-year-old Nate's prized Lego piece on the dining room table. Ask tween Terry to read her creative essay at the next Friday family meeting. What about the not so great stuff? Help Emma trim off the jagged edges of her daily drama while letting her know, "Your excitement about life is really fun to be around." And deal with Ethan's temper tantrums by saying, "I know it's really hard to not blow up, but we'll help you put words to your upset so you can be calmer."
2. Set firm limits to instill good character. People trust kids who show good character-qualities like empathy and admitting mistakes. A child's not born trustworthy, so that tendency to look out for number one needs to be harnessed. A great starting point is to teach consideration for others through social graces: thank you, please, sorry.
3. Start discipline with support to avoid shame. Shame doesn't instill trust. Parents who balance support and correction avoid shame. Instead, you reach an important goal: your child feeling basically okay while wanting to correct a mistake. Becky didn't study for a test and she got a one-legged A. After Mom gently asked why this happened, Becky and Mom worked out a mutually agreeable way to handle studying for tests. Correcting mistakes openly and easily is a sure sign of "I trust myself, I'm okay."

Lesson: Teach your children to trust themselves and all kinds of good things will happen.