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When I turned 40, Botox and bifocals became part of my life. So did an extra five pounds which took up residence just above my beltline.
Far worse, however, are the medical situations that those I love face. From my husband's aging joints to my father's many ailments, it's not fun to see any of them suffer. Worse yet, funerals are coming more often.
On Tuesday, we will bury my great aunt for whom I was named. Carey never had any children of her own, and instead spoiled all of her sisters' kids. Being the youngest in my generation, I probably received more than my fair share of spoiling.
Aunt Carey made the most exquisite doll clothes and furnishings for me. For birthdays, I would meet the postman with delight, tearing into the boxes containing Madame Alexander dolls with complete wardrobes. I can still picture many of the clothes today, despite a house fire that destroyed most of them just days after my eleventh birthday. The Barbie houses, made of boxes with wallpaper coverings, came complete with curtains and puffy chairs crafted from half-open tuna cans.
Aunt Carey was prolific with her hand-beaded Christmas ornaments. Many of my parents' friends ended up with several apiece, with plenty to spare for ourselves. Her sister (my grandmother) and I each tried our hand at making these balls, but with only laughable results by comparison.
Aunt Carey even made Easter ornaments out of egg-shaped forms. These were hung from white branches with Easter "grass" at the base. They were so lovely that a crafters' magazine featured a picture of me as a tot, proudly showcasing this treasure.
We will miss Aunt Carey, but I know that she is now with Uncle George, singing with the angels. Our loss, his gain.
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February is NOT my favorite month. What with my parents' "not" anniversary on the seventh, overblown expectations on the 14th, and another two months or more of snow to be expected, what's to like? Also, does anyone else hate the fact that we have to pay bills on a shorter paycheck (being self-employed, I only have 27 or 28 days to make as much money as in 30-31 day months)?
Here comes March! April brings Easter and my little one's birthday, two noteworthy events. April brings us one month closer to summer, when I don't have to plan my travels according to the weather forecast. April brings us one month closer to spending more time with my two schoolagers.
Let's all march into march with a renewed attitude to enjoy what's left of winter and to plan ahead for the best spring and summer ever! What do you want to do with it?
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This week, I lost 24 hours to computer woes. It began innocently enough when I tried to sync my old PDA with my daughter's profile on my laptop with remote tech assistance. Inexplicably, this seemed to take down my Excel. When a second agent attempted to fix it, my whole Microsoft Office suite was wiped out - Outlook, Word, all of it. It was not possible to reinstall Office using the CD I have because my CD drive was fried! This was not a good night in our household.
The next day, my husband purchased an external CD drive for $100. When tech support called (they are in Florida and were closing when the Office issue was in full swing), it took another three hours to get Office up and running and to do a backup to my hard drive and a defrag of my C drive.
All of this came just as I blogged on pikespeakparent.com about what I recommend we all do for the homeless in our city. Talk about feeling spoiled, shallow and yet grateful! I am spoiled to live in a warm home with running water and food in the pantry. I am shallow to think, even for a moment, that a computer and its documents matter much in the long run. I am grateful that God has seen fit to give me these conveniences.
For what are you grateful?
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I heard an interesting thought on my guilty pleasure show (which shall remain unnamed) this week (and, yes, Janay, you know the one I mean). One character said that men aren't accused of trying to "have it all" when they combine careers with families. Why is it that women get snickers about the same aspiration?
I spoke with a mom today who has figured out that she is a better mother for the time she spends on adult pursuits, such as the book study we share. I know another mom who is juggling a full-time career with school and a part-time business. I also am finishing my degree (July 2010!) while operating my businesses (The Clutter Cutters and Buy, Sell, Organize & Stage!, plus freelance writing and editing) and serving as Director of Outreach and Training for Family Manager Coaching.
Hopefully, we mothers are moving beyond backbiting and envy over the choices other moms are making. Instead of judging and sniping, if we all can offer our support and friendship to our fellow moms/coworkers/friends, won't this be a better place for our kids? Try it. Send an encouraging note (email is fine, but extra points for pretty paper or notecard) to a lady who is trying her best to reach her God-given potential for her sake - and her family's. Offer to watch someone's kids when the inevitable car issue comes up on the worst possible day. Take a batch of soup to a mom whose entire household has the flu. You'll feel like you do have it all - and hopefully, she will, too.
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I know I am not alone in feeling that February 14 is overrated, thanks to several merchants putting unrealistic expectations on our men. Hey, I don't need diamonds - just wipe the stove AND tabletop after dinner, and I'm happy!
Want some less commercial, less expensive ideas for Valentine's Day?
1. Do your spouse's chore - take out the garbage, take the car in for an oil change, drop the kids off at school - whatever he normally does, do for him with a smile.
2. Text him about what you respect and admire about him. Include Dad- and not-Dad-related attributes. Watch him glow!
3. Make a sweet, old-fashioned card yourself. Extra points for gluing Sweethearts candies onto your card.
4. Have a "date" at home after the kids are tucked in. Rent a favorite movie from your dating days, and have a picnic on a blanket in front of the fireplace.
However you may choose to observe the 14th (or not), I hope it's special to you both!
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Does anyone else dislike February like I do? We have had winter for a while now and have three good months of cold and snow left at this point. Valentine's Day is highly overrated, in my opinion. February seems like the longest month of the year, not the shortest.
What do you do to beat the winter blahs? Here are some of my favorite tips:
• Have a beach party – put on swimsuits, crank up the heat and the tunes (Beach Boys, of course), spread a blanket on the floor, and serve fried chicken and potato salad followed by ice cream cones
• Make plans for a summer vacation – cut out pictures of possible destinations, research attractions and accommodations, and set a date
• Have a family game night or movie marathon – buy theater-sized boxes of candy and make lots of popcorn; for games, set up several if you have a large group, and set a timer for 20 minutes; when the bell rings, everyone switches places and picks up where the last player left off
• Have a dance party – take turns playing judge a la Dancing with the Stars
• Challenge family members to a Wii contest; each person gets a turn to choose the game; the champion chooses the dinner menu
• Read a classic children’s book together, one chapter per night; serve food that related to the book one night, and dress in costumes from the book another night
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This week, I am privileged to tell you the news of one family's journey to joy.
The Eybergs, of Colorado Springs, began their adoption journey more than two years ago. After efforts to adopt a Russian child hit a dead end, they moved their focus to Haiti.
Despite what seemed like never-ending paperwork and repeated trips to Haiti when little Katiana and Islande did not return with them, the Eybergs have a happy ending. Sunday, they brought their girls home. Now Charis is not an only child, but one of three beautiful Eyberg girls! The newest Eybergs enjoyed their first Mexican food in Denver (in their mother's words: "Welcome to America, have a burrito!") and their first warm bath here at home.
Take a moment today, won't you, to thank God for the blessings in your life? Thank Him also for knowing that sometimes, things have to be shaken up in a big way for governments to cooperate and do the right thing sooner rather than later.
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Have you figured out that the only human you have much control over is yourself? I know, we try to change our husbands (for their own good, of course) and our children (ditto). But, how many of us have become the best "me" we can be?
Sure, it takes time and effort to take care of our physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual health. But, have you considered the alternative? An overworked, irritable or ill mom doesn't do your family any good. There's a reason why flight attendants advise passengers flying with children to put on their own oxygen masks first. If you don't have the basics of life, you can't save anyone else.
What do you need to do this week to put your own well-being front and center? Don't feel guilty about it. By taking care of yourself, you are actually showing your husband and kids how much you love them.
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Back to our overview of the seven departments that Famiily Managers oversee: this week's focus is Special Events.
This, admittedly, is not one of my strong suits. I can plan events, but hospitality is not my strong suit. My idea of the perfect Friday night is snuggling on the couch with my family and pets. Entertaining is just not much fun for me.
That being said, there are times when we reluctant hostesses have to return a few invites or throw a child's birthday party. If the child is over the age of 10, the mouse and pizza arcade is probably not going to go over well. Find other venues that host parties, and the food, activities and clean up are a breeze as compared to hosting at home. I don't know about you, but having multiple, sugar-fed, elementary-age kids running around my modest-sized home is not pleasant. You can even take the "easy" way out by letting your child invite one special friend for a dinner/movie/sleepover event.
My other challenge is remembering that, when I do have guests over, they are presumably coming to spend time with us and not to critique our housekeeping. Shut doors to bedrooms, clean the guest bathroom and kitchen, and dim all the lights. Boil cinnamon sticks and orange peels to fragrance your home naturally. Take some frozen appetizers out, and you're set.
Do you have easy entertaining tips to share? Do you need advice on other types of Special Events, such as garage sales or reunions? Click on "Ask the Expert."
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I was inspired by Janay's blog post to add my top accomplishments and joys from the previous year:
1. I was named Director of National Outreach (and, as of 1/1/10, Training) for Family Manager Coaching (www.familymanager.com).
2. Although my dh was furloughed, we enjoyed many good times together. Money is NOT the root of all happiness!
3. I met many amazing moms as a result of leading study groups on The Busy Mom's Guide to a Happy, Organized Home. I learned as much as they did, I am sure!
4. My real estate brokerage celebrated its second year in business (with a fabulous partner - JB, you know who you are!).
5. I went back to college to finish my BS degree in Project Management (after being out of full time school since 1988).
6. I got over a good portion of my fear of writing - perfectionism and writer's block used to go hand in hand.
7. Our family became more active in our church, each of us taking on serving or leadership activities.
8. I worked out, at least sporadically, doing things I never dreamed of.
9. I visited my mother, whom I adore, more often than usual.
10. I saw Toby Keith and Trace Adkins (twice) in concert, and even got to shake Martina McBride's hand at hers. I still have a groupie gene...
11. I was witness to my husband reconnecting with long-lost relatives in CO and MN.
12. My teen and I traveled together and later reached a new level in our relationship. We can share lots of clothing, jewelry and cosmetics, too!
13. My younger daughter and I became shopping buddies. Our favorite: the Salvation Army Store!
14. As I got another year older, I became more aware of who I am and less concerned if that meets with everyone's approval. There is only one whose opinion matters on that subject.
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With the giving season wrapping up for another year (pun intended), it's time to turn our attention back to our finances. One of the top New Year's resolutions consistently is to get on track financially. If this is your goal as well, here are some tips to get you started.
First, tally up your December expenditures. If you didn't save receipts, start now so you can use January's expenses as a starting point to set up a spending plan (sounds much nicer than "budget," doesn't it?). Many software and online programs can be used to do this with little math skills required.
Once you see where your money is going, you can make conscious decisions about where you want it to go in the future. Crown.org and daveramsey.com have tools to help you create a workable plan. You can also read about setting up an envelope system to track cash.
If certain expenses are out of line, pick up your phone. With a simple phone call, you can probably reduce your cable, cell phone or land line expenses. Don't hesitate to tell the customer service agent about all the competing offers you have received in your mailbox lately. Have your agent review your insurance coverage with you. Being under or overinsured can deal big financial blows to your plan. If you carry credit card debt and have paid on time for years, ask for a reduced interest rate. I have successfully lowered rates for each of these expenses.
Next, pick up some scissors. You can save hundred of dollars each year by clipping coupons for items you are already buying, as well as restaurant meals and even entertainment. Need motivation? Set aside the money you save from coupons for a family purchase (such as a gaming console) or a vacation. The right scissors can also be used to trim bangs (saving money at the salon by stretching visits) and to sew crafts for extra income.
Last, leave a little breathing room. Each adult should have a small amount of money to spend as he or she sees fit. It's great to have a $100 rule (if either of you is tempted to spend more than that, a discussion must precede the purchase), but having some petty cash for an occasional latte or movie rental will help you keep on track over the long haul.
If you are interested in learning more about Finances and the other six departments Family Managers handle, visit www.thecluttercutters.net.
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The title sums up my second grader's eager Christmas countdown. Not everyone is so merry, though. If you haven't "finished" your self-imposed shopping, decorating and baking, maybe it's time to reevaluate. Are you doing this for your kids, your in-laws, yourself, or the sake of tradition?
Create a new tradition of doing what gives you and your family joy. It is not mandatory for all families in America to have hand-knitted presents, twinkling lights and homebaked cookies. If you are traveling and won't even be home to enjoy them, take it easy on decorations. Do what makes you happiest, then stop so you can relax and appreciate your efforts.
It's almost time to make New Year's resolutions. Resolve to listen to your family and your own heart. Your stress level will be glad you did!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good week!
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With the holidays, many of us moms feel pulled in 29 different directions, instead of the usual 14 or so. It's not too early to break the cyclonic pull of doing it all and getting back to what matters most.
1. Instead of asking children, "What are you getting for Christmas?", ask "What are you giving for Christmas?" Put the focus on others.
2. Don't buy in to the idea that your kids won't have enough to open Christmas morning if you don't blow your budget. Remember, they will likely receive gifts from relatives and friends, and possibly Santa, so you don't need to go crazy.
3. Give the gift of an experience instead of future clutter (toys). Present a colorful coupon for a day at the zoo or a local performance, complete with lunch at a favorite kid joint. I guarantee the memory will last longer than their fascination with fake rodents.
4. Ask yourself what you want your kids to remember about this holiday when they leave home. Plan and do accordingly. Let the rest go, so you can have time and energy for what matters most.
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As I write this, I have just returned from a three-night stay with my mother in a neighboring state. The four of us flew from DIA, which required four checked bags and two carry-ons, not to mention purses for each female member of the family (three of us!). We drove the dog to the kennel in Calhan (60 minutes Saturday and today, in the driving wind and snow). We spent an hour getting our car in the long term parking lot. We slept on sofas and endured her dog, who barks at us every day we are there.
Was it worth it? Absolutely!
Those of us who are forty-something realize that the Christmases we have remaining with our loved ones are too few. Our parents are aging before our eyes. Our children are getting closer to leaving the nest. We have too little time with the friends who remain faithful despite neglect (due to busy schedules, not desire).
What can you do this week (besides the obligatory holiday card) to show a far-flung relative you are thinking of him or her? (Aunt Carey will be getting mail from me.) What will you do to show a friend in town how much she means to you? Don't wait - pick up the phone, even if it's just to enjoy a cup of coffee via a 10 minute chat. It will be well worth your effort. Absolutely!
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Did you realize that Family Managers oversee 1095 meals per year - not including snacks and special occasion feasts? No wonder we moms dread hearing, "What's for dinner, Mom?" With a little planning, you can make mealtime preparations less stressful.
First, don't try to reinvent the wheel. Ask family members what dishes they particularly like, and incorporate those into your monthly menu. Or, base menus around a weekly theme: Mexican Mondays, Italian Tuesdays, soup and sandwich Wednesdays, slow cooker Thursdays, etc. Having even a basic framework helps avoid last minute dashes to a fast food restaurant.
Next, plan your grocery shopping around your menus. Try to use perishable items earlier than those with a longer shelf life. Substitute ground turkey for beef if that's what is on sale this week. Have some staples on hand for nights when the basketball game goes into overtime, such as pasta and jarred sauce with canned or frozen green beans.
Last, remember that nourishment comes from the experience as well as the food. Don't discuss bad grades at the dinner table. Light candles and use the good china to celebrate achievements. Gather as a family at breakfast if the dinner hour is too unpredictable. Express gratitude for the food we Americans tend to take for granted. Bon appetit!
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If you are entertaining guests this week, perhaps the state of your home has caught your attention. Or, if your car is giving you fits and you're supposed to be in Kansas City tomorrow afternoon, you are painfully aware of the deferred maintenance situation. Many moms are so busy helping with homework, husbands and other daily tasks to keep an eye on the bigger picture.
If you haven't tried the Daily Hit List in my previous blog, today is the day to print one out. You'll notice that Home & Property has its own block at the top left of the page. Here, you can record tasks which are not time-specific, such as getting the oil changed (once you have scheduled the appointment, it would go in the Time & Scheduling block), dusting the light fixture above the seldom-used dining room table, and rotating your tires. Items like this have a tendency to sneak up on us if we rely on our memories instead of writing them down.
If you are in emergency mode with company on their way, do "good enough" cleaning. Focus on the rooms your guests are most likely to see: the entry, kitchen, bathroom and living room. Use a laundry basket to collect stray items, fluffing pillows as you go. Wipe wood and glass surfaces with a damp microfiber cloth. Use a disinfectant wipe (or cloth spritzed with rubbing alcohol) to shine the faucets and counters. Light candles or boil cinnamon sticks for fragrance. You're all set! It's important to remember that company is coming to see you, not your house.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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Do you feel as if time is working for or against you? Are you amazed at the fact that everyone gets only 24 hours per day, from the president to Jennifer Aniston? (Of course, some of them do have chefs and chauffeurs...)
Getting a handle on how you spend your time is the first key to living a happier, more organized life. Budgeting your time is at least as important as budgeting your money.
If you don't use a planner, now is the perfect time to start. If the first one you choose isn't a good fit, try again. It's important not to keep multiple calendars for your work, personal, and family lives. To do so will cause a ball to drop at some point.
If you would like to try Family Manager Coaching's Daily Hit List, visit www.familymanager.com, and click on "FREE," or email me for your own copy. In addition, I will keep you updated with notice of local events.
With the Daily Hit List, and any planner, there are three choices for each entry: Do, Delegate or Delete. When you Do one of your tasks, cross it off in red - it feels good! When you can, Delegate a task. You are doing your kids a disservice not to teach them how to do age-appropriate tasks. Sure, it takes more time to train them initially, as opposed to doing it yourself. But who wants 20-somethings coming home for laundry service? Delete those tasks that reflect someone else's standards for your life.
Here's to many happy hours of organized living!
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The best way I can answer that is through the Family Manager Creed:
I oversee the most important organization in the world
Where hundreds of decisions are made daily
Where property and resources are managed
Where health and nutritional needs are determined
Where finances and futures are discussed and debated
Where projects are planned and events are arranged
Where transportation and scheduling are critical
Where team-building is a priority
I am a Family Manager.
Being a Family Manager today is challenging. Between basketball games and budgeting, breakfast and board meetings, women are juggling more than ever.
Join me, a Certified Family Manager Coach, as I walk you through the seven departments we each manage over the next few weeks. If you have specific questions, please click on the "Ask The Expert" tab and then on my name, Cari Pemberton.
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caripemberton
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